Addendum: A FIFTH vibrator

Rob-Lowe-Butterfinger[1]

I was recently notified by an anonymous source that I actually owned another vibrator–a mysterious FIFTH vibrator–that I did not purchase for myself (amazing–I just realized four out of five vibrators I did not pay for! I clearly win at life).

This little pocket sized bullet of fun was won at a bachelorette party. So future bridesmaids, take note: always know the bride’s celebrity crushes (Dale from Top Chef); always know the bride’s favorite drink (ginger ale and gin and tonic); always know the bride’s favorite sexual position (NSFW). Your careful note taking will be rewarded with the gift of a lifetime.

Or 24 hours.

I was so excited with my winnings, I texted the man I am dating. “LOOK WHAT I WON!” I wrote, and sent him a picture.

“A candy bar?” he replied.

I understood how the image could be misleading. This vibrator was called the Better Finger, and was in a case that looked like this:

Nobody better lay a finger is right!

I took the vibrator out of the casing and sent another picture.

“I get it,” he wrote.

Needless to say, we made plans to use said toy.

After returning from bachelorette weekend, I brought my vibrator in disguise over to his apartment. One thing led to another, yada yada yada, clothes came off, Better Finger was removed from case, and then as he went to turn it on, POP! The top of the vibrator flew off and landed in a large cardboard box of misc. goods, circa 2010. Never to be seen again.

Now, a vibrator isn’t very good without its top so we had to go without it. And I was devastated for about 3.5 seconds, until I got the email from Ladygasm about reviewing the Vice product.

Sometimes fate works in mysterious ways.

 

Note: The picture above was in reference to Rob Lowe directing a BUTTER FINGER movie?! Did this happen?! Inquiring minds want to know!

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