A History of Vibrators, in 4 Parts (Or: A Review of the Ladygasm Vice)

The first vibrator I ever owned was a small bullet tucked inside a leopard print thong. They were given to me by my freshman year college roommate as a Christmas present. It should be noted that my roommate and I didn’t even get along and she still gave me the best present I received that year. I can’t imagine what she would have bought me if we had actually been friends. Perhaps a prostitute to take away my virginity.

This is what her present looked like. Leopard goes with everything!

We had one of those tiny wipe boards on our door, and we quickly developed a system. If she had a boy in our room, she wrote BOY (or by later in the year, GIRL) on the board. If I was using my new best friend, I’d write buzz. I quickly learned the best way to use the vibrating panties was to get rid of the panties and stick with what vibrated. Yes, I am a fast learner. Thank you college.

 

The SECOND vibrator I ever owned was one of these pocket rockets. It looked exactly like this:

It was purchased for me by the MOTHER of my second year college roommate. I still hadn’t had sex, and I think everyone was getting a little bit concerned. It was purchased at a Ricky’s like store at the Lorain County mall, in Ohio. I think I also walked out with three pairs of corduroy pants from American Eagle and a headband from New York & Company. Sexxxy.

I loved this vibrator. So much so that it travelled with me to and from college, until it was tucked away in a top drawer and replaced with a penis. I didn’t understand at the time the art of using a vibrator during sex. I know better now.

 

The THIRD vibrator I ever owned was purchased at a SoHo feminist sex toy store, where I had a great time on a lunch break with my coworker looking at lubricant and anal beads, body paint and handcuffs. She was much more adventurous than I, but I did purchase a candle to drip on my boyfriend and a plastic cock ring AND a Big Blue vibrator, one meant for internal and external play. I was in the big leagues now.

My boyfriend wasn’t into candle wax (apparently there was an issue of “burning” and “pulling wax bits out of my body hair for a week”) and the cock ring made his penis turn purple (“get it off me right now” were I think his exact words) but he did enjoy using the vibrator with me. Except when I slept at his house, which he shared with his parents. Then the vibrator was not allowed (buzz buzz). But that’s another story.

When my boyfriend and I broke up, Big Blue and I spent a lot more time together, and then one night when we were spooning, BB fell off the bed. I woke to a crash and my vibrator in four pieces. I felt like all the kings horses and all the kings men. There was no putting Big Blue back together again.

And for nearly three years, I went vibrator free…

 

Until I met the Ladygasm Vice.

When BDGS was contacted to do a product review of the Ladygasm Vice, I jumped at the chance. (and screamed, and said a few hallelujahs). So this is the FOURTH vibrator I have ever owned. And it just might be my last.

Meet the Ladygasm Vice:

Unlike previous vibrators I’ve owned, the Vice is made of a sleek silicone. It looks good AND feels good. The only issue I had was that I had a difficult time figuring out how to turn the vibrator on–which says way more about me then it does the sex toy.

There are seven different vibrations and four speeds, and maybe I’m not an adventurous lady, but I’m perfectly happy (better than happy) on vibration 1 (a steady pulse) and speed 2. Orgasming is easy within minutes (I do not lie). There are two motors–one for internal stimulation and one for external stimulation, because God knows–MEN ARE YOU LISTENING?!–women need both. And it’s waterproof, which I am sure I will appreciate sometime in the future, though I have yet to have the chance.

The Vice is also rechargeable, which means no more midnight trips to the pharmacy to find D batteries (yes–this maybe might have been done…once). You just plug it in and its ready to roll after little more than hour.

I promised the people at Ladygasm I’d be honest, and I tell you, BDGS readers, I am. I LOVE this toy. I love it alone, I love it with a partner. If I had enough money, I’d put one in everyone’s nondenominational December holiday stocking. But I don’t, so what I can offer you is this:

Ladygasm is offering 20% off any product, specifically for our BDGS readers. All you need to do is go to their website, pick your products, and sit back and get ready to have a good time! Use the discount code baddate.

happy buzzing!

xo,

BDGS

ps: That second vibrator? The one left in the top drawer in my room? Yes, my mother found it when she was converting the space into an office. She emailed my sister and I saying, “I found a vibrator in [my name]’s old bedroom. Does it belong to one of you?” Yes mom, I claim it. It’s mine. And may I hope you never chance upon the beautiful machine I’m using now.

 

 

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