Meredith’s Worst Date EVER
Let’s keep in mind that I once went on a date with a man who told me he lived his life like the Unabomber and that he was really into threesomes – with either two girls or two guys. Now that you have that in your head let me repeat: I just went on the worst date ever in the history of me.
It began innocently enough. He is perfectly attractive and I think in the right mood or setting he is probably hilarious. But he is also one of those men you wouldn’t ever want to date. I mean, someone would and will. But not me. Good Lord, not me.
Instead of giving you the complete run-down I will just give you some advice of what not to do on a date. Men, this is especially for you:
-Do not use the expression: “I’ve never hit a woman, but if I see her again I want to hit her.”
-Do not tell me, when seeing a bruise on your mother’s arm from her current boyfriend, that you told her: “Serves you right for divorcing dad.”
-Do not bring up gay marriage if you are going to say that gay people are in it just for the money. And do not refer to adoptive parents as “step-parents.”
-Do not tell me about your extended family if they are crazy white trash that no one wants anything to do with.
-Please do not incessantly talk about your ex. And if you were with her for three years do not tell me only the negative. It makes you sound very small.
-When a girl asks you what your guilty pleasure is she wants a really bad TV show or song. You should not answer “married chicks.” Yeah, I was gonna say “America’s Got Talent” or the “Call me maybe” song and you just said being a homewrecker is your guilty pleasure.
-And, when the date is going so badly that other people are actually looking over at your date with sympathetic eyes, do not ask her “So am I gonna get a call back?”
And thus ends the worst date in the history of me. Figures this is the guy who actually wants to see me again.
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