The First Date – Granny Knickers and Fern Valleys
So there he was, standing waiting for me, or if it wasn’t him it was definitely an older relative of his because he looked at least 15 years older than he did in his online photos. He had also obviously become confused when selecting his hair colour on his profile as he had chosen the colour it used to be before it had turned grey (which was black, apparently).
I slowed down my walk, seriously contemplating turning around and walking away (could I get away with it before he spotted me?) but before I’d made up my mind he had seen me. Cue awkward wave.
We walked to a nearby cafe, made our way to a table and ordered coffee. He handed me a gift bag. I’ve never had a first date gift before and I’m not going to lie, l I felt a little uncomfortable. I unwrapped the first present – a box of chocolates. I pulled the second present out of the bag to the sound of his chuckles. Not a great sign really. I unwrapped it and pulled out a huge pair of what I can only describe as granny knickers. “I bought the biggest I could find” he laughed again. I laughed too. I think hysteria was kicking in because I definitely wasn’t laughing with him. He thought differently though and decided that then was the perfect moment to lean in and whisper seductively “I would love to find out if the valley is full of ferns or as smooth as ice”. I stopped laughing. I picked up my cappuccino – that the waitress had brought over whilst I was holding up the knickers that could easily have been used as our table cloth I might add- and sipped at it grateful for an excuse not to talk. I had no words. Then, after ten more painful minutes, I remembered I needed to be somewhere else so off I ran. Quite literally.
The actual knickers:
From the desk of: @TheSingle_Girl_