When A Capella Singers Let Us Down

Pitch Perfect

I’d had a crush on Guy since freshman year, when I’d seen him perform that Maroon 5 song in his a capella group.  We’d always flirted, but neither of us was ever brave enough to make a move or ask the other out.  Finally, when I was a senior and living with one of his former singing mates, I ran into him at a pajama party in someone’s dorm.  He’d already graduated but had come all the way to campus—in the snow, in his pajamas—for this party.  We danced for hours and he asked me why I’d never just come out and told him I liked him.  I asked him the same question.  All of a sudden, the cops showed up and he pulled me into someone’s bedroom.  He pushed me back onto the bed and started making out with me; then we lay completely still until the cops were gone.

The party started dispersing after that and I realized he was pretty sloppy drunk.  He looked up at me through half closed eyes, swaying slightly in his flannel pj pants, and asked if he could spend the night with me.  I didn’t want to hook up with him, but I was a little worried about sending him home in the snow when he was in this state.  I told him he could crash on our couch, and called my housemate asking her to stay awake until we got back.  As I ended the call, I looked over and saw he had a duffle bag.  A DUFFLE BAG.  Dude had come to campus for the evening planning to hook up with some college girl and spend the night.

I set him up on the couch and then went into my room and hung out online for awhile.  He kept wandering drunkenly into my bedroom. I tried to tell him goodnight, but he kept trying to pull me up.  “Well,” I thought, “I guess I have been wanting to do this for years, drunk or not drunk.”  I let him lead me to the bed, and we lay down on my back.  Instead of kissing me, he kind of just slobbered everywhere and then passed out. I woke him up, trying to get him off of me, but he just said “shhh,” again slobbered all over me (in an attempt to kiss me) and passed out once more.  Eventually I got him to stand up, all but pushed him into the living room, and slammed my door shut.

In the morning, he burst into my bedroom, freshly showered and dapper-looking, and announced he was going to church.  He later called my housemate (his former singing mate) asking how he’d ended up at our house the night before.

My curiosity is sufficiently sated.

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